Walking Away From a Conversation: 5 Exit Strategies for Uncomfortable Exchanges

Written by: Melissa Fiorenza

We’ve all been there. You’re chatting it up with your family, friends, or colleagues—maybe in person or over Zoom—and the conversation takes a turn for the awkward. 

Someone brings up, say, politics or healthcare, and things get heated. 

Or maybe you find yourself smack dab in the middle of the office rumor mill and there’s no WAY you’re going to gossip about your supervisor’s love life.

So what do you do? How do you escape an uncomfortable group or 1-on-1 conversation as politely and non-weirdly as possible?

We asked the pros.

Strategy #1: Be honest.

Sounds simple yet kind of hard too, right? Here’s some advice from Nance L. Schick, Esq. of Third Ear Conflict Resolution. “Say that the conversation is uncomfortable and you don’t know what to say in response. Admit that you need time to process because you hadn’t thought about the topic from this perspective. Show the respect you would want and pull back.” It won’t do you any good, she adds, to go on the attack and try to change someone’s mind at that moment.

Strategy #2: Agree to disagree and move on.

Depending on the relationship you have with the other person, you can acknowledge that you know you may not see eye-to-eye on certain subjects and would prefer to not discuss them, says Bonnie Tsai, founder, and director of Beyond Etiquette. “You could say, ‘I know we may not agree eye-to-eye on politics, but I would still like to enjoy this lunch I’m having with you. Can we talk about your new knitting hobby?’”

Strategy #3: Be prepared.

There will always be uncomfortable conversations we didn’t expect, but a large number of them can be anticipated based on past experiences with certain people, says Schick. “For example, if you know your Uncle Bob often tells racist, sexist, or offensive jokes, develop an action plan before you visit with him or go where he might show up. Write out a list of possible scenarios and how you would address them in your ideal world.” Check out her examples:

• If he tells a racist joke, you could say, ‘I find that offensive. I don’t want to hear jokes like this” and then walk away.

• If he comments about, say, your hair, weight, body, or personal life, you can tell him it hurts your feelings that he doesn’t love you the way you are. Give him a chance to discuss his perspective, but don’t be bullied into conforming to his views. If necessary, leave.

• If he is drunk and argumentative, don’t stay—and help others remove themselves from potentially dangerous situations.

Strategy #4: Remember the “Sweet—Sour—Sweet” approach.

Dating coach Cynthia D’Amour believes this is a great way to be firm, yet graceful. Here’s one example she gives: “It was nice to meet you (sweet). I have some other people I need to talk to (sour).  I hope you enjoy the rest of the event (sweet).” Here’s another: “I’m flattered you asked me to do a big chunk of your work (sweet). Unfortunately, I’m swamped with my own load (sour). Why don’t you ask George to help (sweet)?” The only time when D’Amour doesn’t recommend Sweet-Sour-Sweet to her clients is if they are in a dangerous situation. “ If a man is too aggressive and they are not physically safe, safety trumps being gracious.”

Strategy #5: Use an excuse.

Founder, COO, and Head of Talent at Jump, Marja Verbon reminds us that we really don’t need an excuse. “It is fully in your right to walk away without an explanation.  It's OK not to have to make an excuse or say sorry. Because someone making you uncomfortable is not something you need to apologize about.” That said, however, she says if you need to make an excuse in order to get out of the situation, of course, go for it. Her examples:

• Sorry, I completely forgot but I'm late and have to be somewhere like NOW, sorry have to rush (walk away fast).

• Sorry, I completely forgot I have to call my friend/mom/sister/dad (walk away and even better actually call them and stay on the phone until you're somewhere comfortable).

• Sorry, but I just need to use the bathroom, will be right back (walk away). “Honestly,” says Verbvon, “no one can stop you from going to the loo.”

You should never feel as though you're forced to stay in an uncomfortable situation, even with people you love and respect. So the next time one comes along try one of these approaches to extricate yourself or shift the direction of a conversation to safer ground. No matter what, never feel bad for having personal boundaries about what you will and won’t discuss, publically or privately, and always trust your instincts.

---

More Article You Might Like